The importance of friendships

By Sophia Montesano 

Skyhawk View Staff Reporter 

A recent study showed that 72% of Americans with at least one close friend were completely satisfied with their friendships and that most report that having one close friendship is key to living a fulfilling life.

In the study published by the Pew Research Center, "What does friendship look like in America?" researchers found that people in the United States place strong importance on friendships. The study questioned 5,057 U.S. adults who are a part of the Center’s American Trends Panel, which is an online survey panel. 

The study found that 53% of adults have between one and four close friends, 38% of people have five or more. 

Stonehill College sophomore Hannah Anselmo said a friend is loyal and supportive, and trustworthy. 

Social psychologist Kyle Barrentine from the University of Virginia agreed and defined friendships as relationships with people from whom you can seek support, closeness, companionship, and support.

“The key to a good life is to have good friends,” said Barrentine. 

Making good and close friendships takes time, Barrentine said, adding that the difference between a regular friend and a close friend comes down to the amount of time spent together. The more time spent with a person, the more comfortable one will feel with them. It takes hundreds of hours to form a close friendship, Barrentine said.

Barrentine said without friends’ people become lonely, which can have a negative effect on an individual’s health. He said the U.S. Surgeon General has compared loneliness to smoking a pack of cigarettes a day. It is important now more than ever to have close friends, especially after the loneliness epidemic coming from COVID-19. 

Barrentine referred to work by Robin Dunbar, who said that eating with people can built trust and comfort, resulting in better well-being overall. Dunbar concluded that one’s brain can shrink without these interactions.  

The study found that older participants had five or more close friends, and those under 50 were more likely to say they had between one and four close friends. 

Barrentine said as people age, their motives change in making and keeping friends. Younger people’s values are focused on exploration and searching for information. Older people value emotional closeness over the information they can receive.

Anselmo said she has seen her reasons for choosing and cultivating friends change as she has grown up. 

“I think the older I get the less I care about what everyone else thinks. Many times people arrange their friend groups based on what is socially acceptable and what isn’t,” said Anselmo. 

Barrentine said the older the friendship, the deeper the understanding between friends. 

“The earlier you meet people the closer you feel to them. I think you begin to treat them more as family members” said Barrentine. 

Anselmo said she could relate to that. She has known her best friend for 19 years and views him as a brother. Although they do not see each other often, they call each other at least once a week and they lean on each other in times of need.  

Barrentine said friendships of opposite gender aren’t always that easygoing. He said men and women are often brought up to socialize differently, with men discouraged from expressing as much emotion as women. This affects the number of friends men and women have.  

The study found that 66% of the participants said that all or most of their friends are the same gender 71% of this response was women and 61% was men. 

Age plays a role in same or opposite gender friendships. The older participant responses had a larger mix between the male and female answers, versus the younger participants. Women who said they had more same gender close friendships. 

Motivations behind opposite gender friendships can sometimes play a role, Barrentine said. 

“This is a little bit controversial, but the motivations behind men making friendships with women are actually more sexual based…whereas women befriend men simply because they feel like they could be good friends,” said Barrentine. 

While this is not always the case, men are often attracted to their female friends, Barrentine said. 

Anselmo said she believes different gender and same gender friendships are important.

“They allow you to see the opposite gender’s perspective. I think same gender friendships are important because it helps to understand and relate to each other,” said Anselmo. 

The study found white participants had a lack of diversity in friendships, more often befriending those who are like them. This was true whether it’s speaking of gender, race, or ethnicity. Of the white participants involved, it turned out 70%, in the survey, were more likely than the Black, Hispanic and Asian participants to say that most of their close friends are the same race or ethnicity. 

Barrentine said the lack of diversity adds to negative beliefs of other races to spread faster and become more sinister. 

“There is a need to have diversity within your social network,” said Barrentine. 

Conversations differed depending on gender and age, the study found. 

Women reported that they are more likely to talk about personal things with friends. Men said they talk about topics such as sports and current events. Participants 65 or older were more likely than the younger participants to talk about their physical health. Young adults often talked about pop culture and mental health. 

Participants 50 or older were more likely to be satisfied with their friendships than younger participants. The survey says that more friends lead to more satisfaction, 81% of participants who have five or more close friendships were completely satisfied.

While most people are satisfied within their friendships, Barrentine points out several reasons that could cause friendships to end, such as distance. 

The satisfaction within the friendship stems from how much time you are spending with the person, and what you go through with them. Going through meaningful events with people can bond them, Barrentine said. 

Along with time spent together, the more interests people share, the more attracted they are to spend time together. 

Satisfaction in friendships based on the number of close friends, depends on the individual's brain capacity to carry out tasks. 

“If you have a lot of friends, however you’re extremely active and you do a lot of activity with your friends you will actually have higher depression” said Barrentine. 

Barrentine said that although it may seem nice to have more friends, you are doing more activities. Having many friends may cause one to stretch themself too thin, causing them to be just as depressed as someone who does not have as many friends. Therefore, the quantity of friends is not the same as the quality of friends. 

“Friends are an extremely important aspect in life. If it weren’t for the friends I have, I don’t think I would live the life I do and feel as fulfilled,” said Anselmo.

Stonehill College sophomore, Hannah Anselmo spending time with close friends.